That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
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You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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