I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
