fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
