I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I am available for nakedness
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
