He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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