I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
