You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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