he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
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You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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