Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
