i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
