The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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