just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
