Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
