I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
My cat gives me a boner
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Randomize