i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
