how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
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He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
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Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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