how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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