Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
