You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
