Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
