I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
