WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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