Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
