She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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