he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
