There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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