sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
