his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
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