When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
