The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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