how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
