I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
