Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
