We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
