No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Randomize
