Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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