It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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