Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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