READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
