Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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