its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
The Olympian is in my bed
Randomize
