Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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