I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I am available for nakedness
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
