last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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