i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
