It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I need moral support for this bender
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
