exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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