Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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