somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
