i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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