Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Randomize
