Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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