watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
