I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
