We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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