Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
