i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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