You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
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I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
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That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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