So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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