i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
