trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
