I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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