Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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