Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
