hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
