Me. At least after what I've been through.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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