and next time when you feel me up, do it right
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
