You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
