I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
