are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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