I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
